Stay at Home Mom vs. Working Mom

I am a stay at home mom. The first year of Gibbie's life I suffered from cabin fever because of it. I know now that I didn't do it right. I took the stay at home part literally and because of that I was very lonely and sad though I never did have postpartum depression (surprisingly). Now, however, between MOPS, LWML, Stroller Fitness, and the bible study I go to, Gibbie and I keep ourselves very busy (and sane).

For a brief moment I did consider going back to my supervisor position at Levis in our outlet mall after my maternity leave was up but because it was only part time I would be working to pay for day care and not have anything left over. That didn't make sense. The Hubs and I both wanted Gibbie to be brought up in a way that made sense to us and not let someone else do it their way .

Finishing my degree is still on my to do list but one of the reasons I haven't gone back to school yet is because we don't have a childcare option. Ideally, someone in our family would watch her, I'd finish school, then I'd go back to work with a very flexible schedule so that I could still do the PTA stuff I've dreamed of doing.

With all of that said I do wish that I had the ability to provide for myself and my daughter if (God forbid) anything at all should happen to my husband. At this point, though I do sell Pampered Chef, I would lose the house and car and probably have to move in with Satan my sister unless there was a miracle of a full time job that didn't require a degree and paid very good money.

Posing this question to Facebook and Tumblr I almost assumed everyone would say they'd stay home if they could. I did get a few with that answer but one friend said she was very glad to show her girls what being an independent woman is about. Of course that made me wonder if maybe by not having a degree and staying at home is going to end up sending Gibbie the wrong message. The social media consensus is that working from home would be perfection. It's such a hard decision for me to make. My mom stayed at home and I thought it was wonderful but she did literally come from a very different generation. The Hubs' mom always worked full time and it was a great example but he was alone a lot. I'm really just hoping that I can find a nice balance with The Pampered Chef and I'll be able to boost my business and not have to worry about anything at all.

What would you do if given the choice?

Links:
This is the article that got me thinking about this topic.
This one seems a bit harsh but I get why she says what she says.
I love this blog and the writer recently quit her job to be a stay at home mom to her two children.

Finally, here's a picture to fulfill your cuteness quota for the day:

Tuesday Topics - Catering to Your Kids

It's quite possibly the biggest fight you'll ever have with a toddler. I used to dread this time of the day because I didn't know if it was a battle worth fighting. DINNER! Seriously, I can't even with this fight. I always said I would never make two dinners to please us and our kid but it has come to that lately. I tend to try recipes on the fancy side that attract a more grown up taste so I end up making the kid a grilled cheese or a pb&j so there's no fight over her not eating dinner.

This past weekend I decided that this is just ridiculous and it needed to stop. My goal is to make more kid friendly meals and maybe only have one night of making her something separate. This week it will be Friday. I'm just making us fried rice with shrimp and Gibbie hates rice so she'll get her sandwich.

I've definitely let it become a habit for too long. Tonight we had tacos and black beans. Gibbie loves beans and has always eaten a deconstructed taco with us. She did end up eating some of it but not before asking for a sandwich twice. Proof enough for me that I need to break this habit immediately.

I met a mom through MOPS two years ago who basically said she wasn't going to have the battle. She put dinner in front of her husband and three sons and they could decide if they were going to eat. If they didn't eat what she put in front of them then they just didn't eat. Upon hearing this I thought it was a great idea but never stuck with it. The Hubs is pickier than Gibbie so there'd be a lot of nights of me eating alone. Best friend J once said that she had heard that anyone needs three bites to tell if they like something. The first bite was to see if their taste buds liked it, the second to see if their stomach liked it, and the third to see if the two agreed.

My Facebook friends gave me a wide variety of answers for this one. One friend said she makes the kids something to eat at 4:30pm and then have dinner with her husband later. Sometimes it's the same meal, sometimes she does a more grown up recipe. I actually did consider that at one point but I don't think it really fits us. Another mom said 95% of the time the kids eat what her and her husband eats. She even has a rule that if one of the kids says they don't like whatever it is then he has to eat a bite of whatever it is for each year. (Example: Kid is 6 years old, kid says he doesn't like green beans, kid has to eat 6 bites of green beans.) She goes one step further and doesn't let the kid have an after dinner treat unless he eats it all. My lovely Best friend M plainly says, "Eat or go to bed hungry...kids are not gonna starve in one evening."

I am totally leaning more towards how Best friend M feels about it. I think The Hubs is feeling a bit more lenient though. I even tried for a while to implement a sort of three bite rule. Three bites, if you don't like it, I'll make you a sandwich. Truth be told, Gibbie can handle a meal she isn't thrilled about it. The Hubs and I do it on occasion when a meal doesn't come out as well as I had hoped for it. So why should I, as the main cook of the house, have to do extra work? I am starting to think that the point of this topic is to talk myself into it. OK, I can do this.

Here's a cute picture to show you why I have a hard time not giving in:

Finally, if there's any topic suggestions you'd like to know my humble opinion (as well as my Facebook friends) leave a comment and let me know.

Tuesday Topics - When Ya Having Kids?

So, when are you going to have kids?
So, when are you going to have another kid?
So, when are you going to try for that girl since you have eight boys?
So, when are you going to stop having so many damn kids?

Seriously, why do people ask these questions? OK, OK, I know that it could be a conversation starter but might I suggest changing it up a little. DO YOU WANT to have kids? DO YOU WANT to have another? DO YOU WANT to try for a girl even though you already have eight boys? DO YOU WANT to rival Michelle Duggar?

Having an almost three year old daughter I hear the question of when I'm going to have another one very often. Of course most are family friends but it kinda gets to me that no one asks if I want another they just ask when I'm having another. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you, but I just want to put it in a way that maybe you'll understand why you maybe should consider rewording this question.

*NOTE: This is completely hypothetical (as far as I know).* What if I was suffering from infertility but didn't want the world to know. Every time you ask me about when I'm planning on having another child it's a reminder that I can't.

Seriously though, I don't think I'm infertile but I haven't tried getting pregnant in over three years.

When asking my Facebook and Tumblr friends I either got heated answers or indifference. A friend of my sister's says she only asks me because she loves us and wants us to have another beautiful baby. Flattery will get you everywhere unless the place you want to be is a delivery room watching me have a second child. I love you too but pregnancy sucks, yo. Another Facebook friend said exactly how I feel about it. She had a very long labor (like me) and issues with high blood pressure (like me) and was terrified to have another (like me). It took her five years to have her second and now she has four. She said she is still scared towards the end of each pregnancy though. If I do have another I will definitely be scheduling a c-section and having them tie (or burn or yank out) the tubes while they're in there.

I should mention that I am actually guilty of this too. Ask Best friend E, the only female best friend who doesn't have a kid (yet). She is like a sister to me and we've been friends for 19 years now. She's been married twice as long as I have and there are no plans for children in the immediate future. That does not stop me from reminding her constantly that Gibbie needs a "cousin" to play with. She doesn't even live here, she is in San Antonio, but she still needs to get on the baby making train. In all honesty, she's doing it "right." She does not want to go into debt just because people think she needs to have a kid just because she's married. And she is totally right. We are still paying off that hospital bill and Gibbie will be three in two weeks!

Some have commenting saying that it's a seriously personal question people should steer clear of. One person said that it's basically asking a person about there sex life, and, well, yeah, that's true. One person said it's just a way of getting to know someone. Why not ask a question that can link you with the person? I'm a mom! Do you want to be? Makes sense.

I do sometimes wonder if we're cheating Gibbie by not giving her a sibling now but I don't think it's a smart move. The Hubs and I both have siblings who are much older (mine are much much much older) so we didn't have anyone that wanted to play what we wanted to play. When I'm being emotional about it I want one now. Like, right this second, now. When I'm being level headed about it I want to go back to school and finish my nearly complete degree before considering another. When I'm being really selfish about it I can't help but think I've lost 25 pounds and I have 50 more to go and I'm not ruining that progress with a baby in the belly.

What do you think about the issue? Mind your business or start a conversation?

Here's some links to further your thoughts:
-If this doesn't make you want kids, nothing will.
-Secondary fertility is a thing.
-Too many kids?

Here's a picture that makes me want to have another:

Tuesday Topics - Making Your Child Participate.

The only group things I've been in charge of are church activities so bear with me if you're a heathen not the church type. For this topic I can really only talk about my experience as a Sunday School teacher and a Vacation Bible School games leader.

I know that there was a child in my Sunday School class that didn't like me. I know because I overheard the child tell the parent this. I hold nothing against this child or the parent. I still love them both! Very much! However, this child hasn't been back to my class since then. That's OK, obviously that's not the type of thing we take attendance for or anything so there's absolutely no harm in this child not going.

When three weeks had gone by and the child hadn't been back I realized that maybe the parent didn't make her because the child didn't like me. To each their own. I'm not judging at all but it made me start thinking about if I'd let Gibbie stop doing something just because she didn't like one person.

For VBS I know of one child who apparently got in trouble on Monday and that was the last I saw of him. He wasn't in trouble with me but I did hear a volunteer saying he was acting up during snacks.

There are going to be a lot of people in her life that she's not going to like. I know this for a fact because there are a lot of people in my life I don't particularly care to be around. Don't worry, you're not one of them. So should I make Gibbie continue to do something regardless of how she feels about one person?

So then I started thinking about another thing I see a lot of. Parents forcing their child to do some kind of group activity that the child isn't interested in OR parents forcing their child to do EVERY group activity under the sun. The Hubs and I always said that as long as Gibbie did something extracurricular we'd be happy. For an example, we'll try dance and if after a while she decides she hates it then we'll move on to soccer. If she hates soccer then we'll try cheer (gulp). If she doesn't like cheer (yay) then we'll move on to an instrument. And on and on until she either finds something she likes or we force her to start the cycle over. Of course I'd never let her quit mid-season or mid-whatever it is. If she makes a year long commitment then she's stuck for the year.

As always I posed this question to my Facebook friends as well as my Tumblr followers and again got some wonderful answers. Just about ever comment I got was in agreement with me. I had one friend say that they would want it to be something their child could carry with them. She explained, "Making kids do tap dance or something always seemed silly to me because it's not an investment in a lifelong skill." She also mention asking someone once how long it took this person to like playing piano. It took him six years to love it! That's six years of wanting to quit and probably complaining to his parents every time he had to practice. Now, he loves it, and he's phenomenal.

Another friend who is a sports editor says it's obvious when a kid is only there because their parents want them to be and when a kid actually enjoys what he/she is doing.

If it was your child what would you do? I really want to know. I'm not one to judge parenting decisions (I was a formula feeder who after 15 months let my child cry it out and don't force her to eat veggies) so let it all out!

Here are some links to check out on the subject:

Why We Shouldn't Force Our Kids Into Sports

Extracurricular activities: Should kids be forced into them?

Negative Effects of Parents That Push Their Children Into Playing Sports

Letting Kids Quit Extracurricular Activities

Before you go, here's a picture to lighten the mood:

Gibbie the Fly Hunter