40 Days of Lent

Somewhere 40 days got lost in translation. I'll just admit right now that I obviously don't get how those 40 days work (if you can explain it please do). From Ash Wednesday to Palm Sunday is exactly 40 days. Holy week started yesterday but Lent doesn't actually end until after Easter service which is next Sunday. That would be 47 days. Apparently, some days don't count and therefore you end up with 40 days by next Sunday. I don't like numbers. Numbers make my head hurt.

Last year I gave up fast food. The year before was alcohol. Prior to that was chocolate. Before then I don't remember but the hubs said it was soda. This year I decided to trump all and give up the thing that so many people are addicted to. Social media! I have to say it hasn't been all that bad though. I'd say that the first week and a half was the worst. On day two I told the hubs that I was thinking it was super easy until I realized all I wanted to do was log on Facebook and brag about how easy it is! This was a sure sign of my addiction. At this point I can honestly say that I do enjoy Facebook (and Instagram and Twitter and Tumblr and Ello and Snapchat) I could definitely never go back and be happy. In fact, I don't know if anyone will even see this since I won't be sharing it online! I'm definitely out of the loop when it comes to events and special happenings in people's lives but I think if I made more personal connections offline it wouldn't be so bad.

With that said, I have noticed that I'm much lonelier without social media in my life. I've been a bit of an emotional roller coaster this Lent and I think some of it has to do with not being able to connect to people. I have been going to my bible study and MOPS but I usually don't have time for much socializing beyond that. I'm starting to feel like I need to find something to do for myself without any kids at least every other week. I'm considering Zumba or some other exercise class. It definitely needs to be exercise class because that's another thing I've been slacking on since I haven't been on social media.

Sharing my Weight Watchers weight loss with everyone I'm connected with definitely helps me stay on track. I've been so up and down that I've been embarrassed to go to meetings! I'm going tomorrow but I won't be surprised if I'm above my start weight by about a pound or two.

Finally, I know I'm just picking up like I haven't been MIA for the past several months but there's one big reason I haven't been writing. I have a terrible biological mother and I don't want her finding this blog and seeing pictures of my family. It's the stuff from soap operas. I don't think she'd do anything stupid but I don't want her knowing anything about me or my family. She doesn't deserve to. I'm debating on if I should overcome that fear and just post regularly like I've been dying to do for the past few months or if I should let her control me and just not post anything so she won't see this. There's some deep stuff for your Monday.

If I decide to keep going I'll be posting some pictures later this week. I haven't even introduced the newest member of the family yet!

Being a Mom is Tough

A few weeks ago a good friend of mine posted to her Facebook page that she was going to do a bible study called Am I Messing Up My Kids? and asked if anyone wanted to join her. I thought for sure she knew I was a terrible mom and posted this just to make sure I did the study. You see, I have this theory that I was lied to about the terrible twos and it's actually the threes that make you want to pull your hair out. I've had a few less than proud moments since last August when Gibbie turned three but I'm always striving to change my attitude towards her. This bible study might be just what I needed.

Here I am, a few days into it and this morning was the worst we've had in a while. I blame being 16 weeks pregnant and hormonal. I blame being over tired because instead of going to bed at a decent time I still think I can stay up as late as I want and function in the morning. I definitely blame not being able to remember the last time I prayed to God for help in parenting. I in no way blame my three year old for being a three year old. After my little break down Gibbie climbed up on the bed next to me, tears in both of our eyes and said, "Are you sad, mama?" I said yes. "I'm sad too," she said then wiped my tears away. It was one of those moments that make you realize that you must be doing something right as a parent. How did she become such a loving and kind child?

My goal in doing this bible study is to remember what it's like to be three years old, to remember to ask God for help, and to remember how much I love being a mama in those less than proud moments.

My family is perfect for me and here's proof of just how awesome we are when we all get along:

Today's Supreme Court Ruling

In the case of Burwell v. Hobby Lobby Stores and Conestoga Wood Specialties v. Burwell the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the family owned companies. I have to admit I'm a bit shocked. I get it, I'm just shocked. It was a 5-4 ruling in favor of the companies to not have to cover certain birth control options in their employee insurance coverage. I was sure that the results would be in favor of the employees.

I'm not so much upset about this specific case but the situation I currently find myself in (our insurance not covering maternity and not being able to get Medicaid) just makes me wonder what exactly the United States government wants for the average citizen.

My husband works hard every single day for the small company that his father runs. Being a small company they don't have the capabilities to offer insurance for their employees and therefore we have private health insurance. Private health insurance doesn't cover maternity care because (accident or not) it is considered an optional medical condition. Now, the rich white "Christian" politicians don't want me to use birth control and certainly they don't want me to use Plan-B. They also want me to submit to my husband because it's a wifely duty. Once I end up pregnant they don't want me to be on Medicaid, it's preferable for us to go broke paying for doctor and hospital bills. (Side Note: we're fine, don't worry, my doctor has an awesome pregnancy package for uninsured patients so we will not go broke or lose our house or have to get on government assistance. The following is purely hypothetical.) So when we go completely broke, lose our house, and get to the point that we absolutely need government assistance they can call us lazy for not working harder. How does this make any sense?

I know there are people who abuse the system but it's not fair that hard working people and people that just need a little help aren't allowed to get it. It makes me wonder when these politicians are going to draw the line. The state of Texas refused the new Medicaid expansion that was offered with the new Affordable Care Act which is the reason we didn't qualify. We were prepared for this before we got pregnant and weren't planning on relying on this however it would have helped. The more these politicians hold things back from people the more I think of this:

EDIT: Above I said that I don't like the Supreme Court decision but I get it. I'd like to edit to say I don't freaking get it at all. The more I sit here and think about it the more pissed off I get. The Supreme Court is treating these companies as people instead of the corporations that they are just because they're family owned. This is ridiculous. I used a birth control pill more for health reason than conception reasons. When I wasn't on birth control it was hell for me to get out of bed from the cramps and nausea during my period. My mood swings were insane and would have been cause for divorce. Being on the pill helped to regulate my period, tame my cramps, and balance my hormones. Yes, it prevented me from getting pregnant, but that ties into what I wrote about Medicaid and being denied help. We couldn't afford another child after paying the hospital bills from our first pregnancy. We are just now financially stable enough to have another and therefore being on birth control really helped with not being a financial burden to the state. This country is completely ass backwards about certain things and I'm getting really tired of it.

The Joys

I finally have a new computer! OK, well, I've had it for a week now but I'm finally writing! It's a huge change going from an Apple to a Dell but I'm dealing and learning slowly. I feel like an old lady trying to figure out a computer for the first time. The downside is I don't have a grandson I can bother for a tutorial on how to use this dang contraption!

On to the news.
For those who haven't been following me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Tumblr we have some crazy news. We're expecting our second baby blessing on December 29. Today actually marks the first day of the second trimester so the excitement in my house is growing. Little Lentil, as the baby will be called until we find out the gender, has made my life interesting for the last 13 weeks. With Gibbie I was nauseous for about 20 minutes every several days. With Little Lentil I was nauseous all day every day from about 5 weeks on until I finally gave into Diclegis, an anti-nausea medicine. Diclegis was a miracle except for the fact that it made me extremely exhausted (even on half a dose). I shouldn't complain though. I wasn't able to function without it and my doctor took pity on me and gave me 4 boxes of samples because my insurance doesn't cover maternity and the state of Texas didn't take on the Medicaid expansion (yay go us!). I never even had to fill the prescription. I took myself off of it this past weekend and I finally feel amazing.

Gibbie is super excited to be a big sister. For a while she was telling everyone that her baby brother was in my belly. Now she says it's a girl. I don't care either way. The Hubs says he wants another girl because little girls love their papas. I'd like one to like me. We're set with a name if it's a boy but we're still looking for a girl name. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Since the USA/Germany game is over and Gibbie let me watch it with minimal arguing I'd be do as promised and pop in The Little Mermaid. Happy Thursday everyone!

Job Interviews

I don't know what made me think of this but I can't stop thinking about my very first and my very last job interviews lately. I'm definitely not looking to get back to working any time soon but these memories are stuck in my head.

My first job interview was at Hollywood Video when I was 16 or 17 years old. I didn't need a job but my best friend at the time did so I applied everywhere he did. I remember my best friend being mad because he didn't get called in for an interview even though we both had the exact same information on our resumes and applications. I completely botched that interview. I had no idea what to say and I blew it. The manager asked me what I would do if I was in the middle of a project and I noticed there was a huge line of people waiting to check out. I said it depended on how important the project was. Stupid really, but I didn't know any better. Oh yeah, I didn't get the job.

My last interview was at Dockers just five years ago. I thought I would just be temporary holiday, though I definitely wanted more. I got lucky and became a supervisor very quickly. I worked until about a month before I had Gibbie, not even a full year there, but it was a lot of fun. I had always wanted to tell someone, "Ma'am, I am the supervisor." It was everything I thought it would be and more when I finally got to say it! I considered for a while going back after maternity leave but in the end I chose the better position for me.

My current job didn't come with an interview and it still blows my mind that almost any woman can do it. I sometimes wonder if I would have gotten the job if someone was around to interview me. I can only imagine the questions I would have been asked. "How are you under pressure?" "Do you preform well on little to no sleep?" "Are you easily startled?" "Do you tend to get queasy easily?" I don't think I would have gotten the job. I still wonder if I should have the job!

I sometimes stop and think about when I will go back to work and what kind of job I'll have. I still dream about being the PTA parent, den mother, field trip chaperon, and then some. I do love selling Pampered Chef but I just don't know if it's a huge passion for me and something I'll do for years to come. For now, I will spend my time on my current job. Mama, nurse, coach, teacher, etc. I'll go on trying not to yell, doing my best to nurture, and wishing I had a maid. I'm so blessed to be in my current position!

Hello Neighbor

When I was growing up we lived in what some would consider a poor neighborhood in the lower valley. I'm obsessed with looking at homes for sale so I looked up the house we lived in and it last sold for $89,000. It was a small three bedroom, one and a half bath house with a garage we never used in the backyard. It was perfect for us and it was happy. I grew up with a friend two houses away, more across the street, and some down the street. We seemed to know everyone on the block and everyone on the block waved and said hello when they saw each other.

Fast forward to the house we moved into when we moved it on up to the east side. I became friends with a girl across the street the day we moved in. The other girls across the street became best friends shortly after. The boy and girl who lived behind me invited me to jump the fence and play a week later. Again, neighbors being neighborly was the way to go. If we drove or walked down the street everyone we passed stopped what they're doing and waved.

When we got married we lived in an apartment and didn't really talk to anyone regularly but everyone always said hello or waved. When we had Gibbie we moved to different apartments and there were a lot more families and more friendly conversations. We then started thinking about buying a house. We didn't keep in touch with anyone from the apartments when we moved.

We've lived in our current home for well over a year. I've seen the lady who lives to the left of us once, her kids a handful of times as they came and went. The Hubs says the lady is married but I've never seen her husband. The family to the right of us has a son a little older than Gibbie an another a little younger than Gibbie. I've seen the kids three times, the family a few more times. They've had birthday parties for their boys and we haven't been invited to any of them. I definitely should have invited them to Gibbie's last birthday but I never see them at home. (Next year I'm just going to tape the invitation to their door if they're not home.) There is one other lady two doors over who actually talks to us and knows our name. She even gave Gibbie a Christmas present! Other than that the only interactions I've had with my neighbors is when the girl down the street got her boyfriend to knock on my door because she thought I broke into her car (with my arms full of mail and toddler to boot). (Also, if you want to know about the paranoid girl down the street just go back to this post right here.)

Is it me or is the world getting less neighborly? Or maybe it's just the neighborhood I live in. I always wave and smile and say hello anytime I see someone outside. I get an occasional response but more often than not people pretend they don't see me. Does this happen in your neighborhood? I'm seriously considering baking a few pies and passing them out to see if maybe people are just too busy with their own lives or they genuinely don't want to be friends with their neighbors.

Sister, Soul Mate, or Twilight Zone

I have found the bizarro world version of Rue. I'm not sure if this woman is my sister, my soul mate, or maybe I've stepped into the twilight zone. Have you heard of A Slob Comes Clean? As much as I hate to admit it, this woman's blog speaks to me on levels you can't imagine.

Like "Nony," the author of the bog, I always assumed that I'd become a cleaning kind of person when I moved out, got married, had a kid, got used to sleepless nights, and on and on and on. It has never happened. I've tried the Fly Lady method which worked for about two weeks. I spent $13 on the Motivated Moms app last year (it's cheaper this year). I've tried just doing one room a day. Nothing worked for me. The truth is, I walk into a room and I want to cry because I don't know where to start. A few weeks ago I did wake up one day and realize that if I didn't clean the play room I was going to burn it and it has stayed pretty clean but it's only a matter of time before it explodes and I just can't handle it again.

Anyway, here's my confession of the day. I can't clean, I don't clean, I don't like it, I don't wanna, and I generally just won't do it. So, I'm giving Nony at A Slob Comes Clean a chance (and a promo). I got her book, 28 Days to Hope for Your Home, and I'm going to give it a try. I've been reading the last few blog posts and listening to all of her podcasts and I'm really hoping she's going to be the one to make me realize what I need to do.

Also, just marathon cleaned my kitchen because people are coming over today! Gulp!