Weekend Wrap Up

As per usual we escaped to the mountains for The Hubs' birthday weekend. We usually stay in Ruidoso, NM but this time decided to go to Cloudcroft, NM for a change. It's about a two and a half hour drive from where we live.

I absolutely love going to the mountains. It rejuvenates me and makes me so happy.

We didn't realize it when we booked the trip but it turned out to be the exact same cabin group we stayed with last time we stayed in Cloudcroft which was almost exactly 4 years ago. I couldn't resist taking a picture with Gibbie in the same spot we took one when she was almost 8 months old:

(Side note: Squish is only 5 months old and that same sweater Gibbie is wearing above at 8 months old is super tight on her. Big baby!)

I hiked for the first time and absolutely fell in love with it. I can't wait to go again.

We're actually planning on going up again just for the day next month (maybe) just to go hiking again since it isn't too far away. Squish loved being carried on my back in my Ergo carrier for the first time:

The Hubs and I never get good pictures together but we decided to give Gibbie a shot at taking a picture of us. I think it turned out great!

Poor Squish is such a home body so she wasn't thrilled with vacationing. This was her second trip and she did much better the first time when she was about 3 months old. We forgot to bring the pack and play so she had to sleep in the king size bed with me (I'm not a cosleeper so I was nervous the entire time about rolling onto her). She screamed for over an hour each night before finally falling asleep. (We don't do cry it out so it was super hard to hold her and hear her screaming.)

Gibbie on the other hand is a great traveler and loves the mountains as much as The Hubs and I do.

The drive home wasn't as bad as the last time for Squish. Last time she cried for an hour, this time was only about 30 minutes! Progress!

Now for the downside of the trip. this is what my Weight Watchers food tracker looked like when yesterday was over:

Definitely not proud of this but to be completely honest I am not letting me bother me one bit. When I obsess about the numbers I get really down and then give up for a while. This time I'm not going there. I had a kick ass awesome weekend and I loved every bite of delicious food I took. It was food that I don't normally eat (and I am not feeling as well because of it haha).

Today I actually took a 3 mile week first thing this morning and hardcore stuck to the plan. I'm not sweating the weekend and I'm not sweating my Friday weigh in this week!

How was your weekend?

Friday Weigh In

When I changed from meetings to online only with Weight Watchers I also changed my weigh in day to Friday. I'm super excited about today!

I'm finally at a 10 pound loss! This is the first week I've been super tracking and I got in a 15 minute cardio workout on Monday and a 25 minute workout yesterday. I know that's not much but between never knowing when the baby is going to wake up and dealing with postpartum depression it's been hard to get out of bed in the mornings.

The Hubs' birthday is Saturday and we're going to celebrate all weekend. After posting this I'm signing off for the weekend to spend some quality time with my family. I'll have a lot of fun pictures to share on Monday.

What are your plans for the weekend?

June Goals

I'm going to completely ignore the goals I didn't reach for May. If you didn't read my post about May you can find it here. Here are my goals for June:

1. Talk to my OB/GYN about postpartum depression ASAP!

2. Have at least 30 minutes of alone time every week (a walk, a solo store trip, anything).

3. Eat at least 1 fruit or vegetable at every meal and at least 1 for my morning or afternoon snack.

4. Finish 1 book I've been reading for over a year.

5. Fit into favorite jeans.

I am still doing Weight Watchers however I just started tracking again last Monday after ditching the entire idea for about a month. I am only doing online now though. I started dreading the meetings so I'm thinking I'll do much better if that's something I don't have to worry about.

Do you have any goals for June?

Weigh in Tuesday

I'm borderline embarrassed about my progress, or lack there of, on Weight Watchers. When I was a member two years ago it worked for me because I did the work. This time I haven't been consistent and therefore I'm not getting consistent results. Here's how I ended my Weight Watchers week:

The only reason I had weekly points remaining was because I didn't track everything. I had a few binge days in there and feel terrible as a result. Here are my charts:

I binged today too. I don't know what my trigger is but I need to figure it out. I need to find my motivation to do this again!

Today was the busy day. I'm eager for summer break so that I won't be so darn busy on Tuesdays! Gibbie is still loving Taekwondo:

Today she got her name written on her uniform in Korean:

Here's me being exhausted during Taekwondo practice:

That picture of me actually weirds me out a bit. It doesn't look like me for some reason. I don't know if it's the angle of what but I've looked at it over and over again. It's just strange to me. Do I look weird or different to you?

After Taekwondo I finally achieved a successful car to crib transfer with Squish:

That has never happened with her. I was always able to do it when Gibbie was a baby but Squish really likes to be swaddled still so she usually wakes up the second she hits the bed.

I've been checking for news updates on the Supreme Court hearings for marriage equality all day. I'm so eager to see how this goes. I'm really hoping they make the sensible choice for equal rights.

I'll just add one more picture in case you're wondering where I stand....

Weigh In and Craziness

I didn't think I'd ever get around to this post today. Crazy Tuesdays are just too crazy!

First up was Weight Watchers. I knew I wasn't going to have a loss going in but I was totally ok with it. On Saturday I wore some work out capris that I hadn't been able to wear for a while so I was just happy about that!

This is how I ended my week:

Not great. Not terrible. I need to work on not going into my weekly points but it's so hard for me!

Here's what my weight looks like this week:

I'm not too upset over a 1.4lb gain. I'm shaking it off and looking ahead.

Squish played in her walker/activity table thing for the first time today. She was totally digging it:

That was really the only free time we had together today. From play time we went to Weight Watchers, to grocery shopping, putting away groceries, feeding her, picking up Gibbie, coming home to change clothes and have a snack, then to Taekwondo and finally home to make dinner! What a whirl wind day!

I have to share something that made my day so great yesterday. I was at Target with Gibbie and Squish and we were cutting through a craft isle to get to the kid clothes. I'm usually in such a hurry to get through the trip and I don't end up having much fun. I'm constantly telling Gibbie to stick with me and catch up and don't be so slow. This time was slightly different. In the middle of the craft isle Gibbie yelled, "MOM! Look at this! What is it?" I turned to see her holding up a bottle of red glitter glue. Telling her it was sparkly glue put a smile on my face as I remembered using that stuff when I was a kid. Then when I turned around a lady just happened to pass by and say, "You are so blessed." It took me aback and almost made me tear up. I am so blessed. Sometimes I have selfish moments and wish I could have a day all to myself and forget how blessed I am. I am so blessed. I have these two beautiful girls who drive me absolutely insane but I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world. I am so blessed because I am Gibbie and Squish's mom. I am so blessed.

Weigh In and More

Also known as "Too Much Tuesday" because I always end up doing way too much on Tuesdays. Thank God The Hubs takes Gibbie to school, I'm not sure if I could handle one more thing to do today.

So this is how I ended my Weight Watchers week yesterday:

This is actually the first week since I've been back on the program that I haven't used all of my weekly points so I'm pretty proud of that.

I'm thrilled that I lost so much:

I didn't weigh in last week because I was at a direct sales party at a friend's house that day and couldn't find the time to go to a different meeting so this is actually a two week progress.

I went grocery shopping right after my Weight Watchers weigh in then rushed home to put away groceries and feed Squish. I almost had a super awesome photo of her but spit up happens:

After just a few minutes of playing with Squish it was time to pick up Gibbie from school. We only had time to get home and change clothes before heading to Taekwondo. Today she got her white belt:

She was so proud! Even The Hubs got off of work early to come see her. I was so exhausted by the time we got home we just ordered pizza and called it a night.

Pour Squish is teething. No really, she is teething! I didn't believe it could happen so early, she's not even four months old, but there is the tip of a tiny tooth shooting out of her gums. I'm in shock and I feel so bad for her. This explains why she went from sleeping through the night for an entire month to waking up once or twice to eat in the past week.

How was your day?

What I've Been Up To

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been MIA for a few months. I've been extremely busy making a human being! Introducing, Squish:

Squish is actually over three months old now and I've just been slacking on sharing these photos with the six people who read my blog. She was born just before Christmas which lead to the best Christmas of my life. Gibbie looks a lot like the hubs. Squish is a mystery. Sometimes she looks like me and other times she's just her own person. Some people say she looks like Gibbie did when she was a baby but I don't see it.

Gibbie is the best big sister. She helps calm Squish down when she cries (which is a lot) and will run and grab bibs and shake bottles when needed. She even asked to change a diaper a few days ago. Now that Squish is on the right formula things are awesome. It was a rough first few weeks because she cried all the time. It turned out she was having some reflux issues but life is good now. She does still like the sound of her own voice but it's nowhere near as bad as it was in the beginning.

One last thing. I went to Weight Watchers today and as terrified as I was to step up on the scale I did it and I'm at least glad I'm not back to my original weight!

I joined Weight Watchers the day after my 30th birthday. Tomorrow I will turn 32 and I'm nowhere near where I want to be. Of course, having a baby does give me a tiny excuse but now it's time to work.I hate work but I am much happier when I'm working out and eating right. I just need to remind my brain of that when it wants me to binge on Girl Scout cookies (freaking devils) and fried awesomeness.

40 Days of Lent

Somewhere 40 days got lost in translation. I'll just admit right now that I obviously don't get how those 40 days work (if you can explain it please do). From Ash Wednesday to Palm Sunday is exactly 40 days. Holy week started yesterday but Lent doesn't actually end until after Easter service which is next Sunday. That would be 47 days. Apparently, some days don't count and therefore you end up with 40 days by next Sunday. I don't like numbers. Numbers make my head hurt.

Last year I gave up fast food. The year before was alcohol. Prior to that was chocolate. Before then I don't remember but the hubs said it was soda. This year I decided to trump all and give up the thing that so many people are addicted to. Social media! I have to say it hasn't been all that bad though. I'd say that the first week and a half was the worst. On day two I told the hubs that I was thinking it was super easy until I realized all I wanted to do was log on Facebook and brag about how easy it is! This was a sure sign of my addiction. At this point I can honestly say that I do enjoy Facebook (and Instagram and Twitter and Tumblr and Ello and Snapchat) I could definitely never go back and be happy. In fact, I don't know if anyone will even see this since I won't be sharing it online! I'm definitely out of the loop when it comes to events and special happenings in people's lives but I think if I made more personal connections offline it wouldn't be so bad.

With that said, I have noticed that I'm much lonelier without social media in my life. I've been a bit of an emotional roller coaster this Lent and I think some of it has to do with not being able to connect to people. I have been going to my bible study and MOPS but I usually don't have time for much socializing beyond that. I'm starting to feel like I need to find something to do for myself without any kids at least every other week. I'm considering Zumba or some other exercise class. It definitely needs to be exercise class because that's another thing I've been slacking on since I haven't been on social media.

Sharing my Weight Watchers weight loss with everyone I'm connected with definitely helps me stay on track. I've been so up and down that I've been embarrassed to go to meetings! I'm going tomorrow but I won't be surprised if I'm above my start weight by about a pound or two.

Finally, I know I'm just picking up like I haven't been MIA for the past several months but there's one big reason I haven't been writing. I have a terrible biological mother and I don't want her finding this blog and seeing pictures of my family. It's the stuff from soap operas. I don't think she'd do anything stupid but I don't want her knowing anything about me or my family. She doesn't deserve to. I'm debating on if I should overcome that fear and just post regularly like I've been dying to do for the past few months or if I should let her control me and just not post anything so she won't see this. There's some deep stuff for your Monday.

If I decide to keep going I'll be posting some pictures later this week. I haven't even introduced the newest member of the family yet!

My Husband Keeps Me Going

The last few weeks I've given up. I lost 25 pounds on Weight Watchers then I stopped going. I was really excited with my Pampered Chef business then I stopped caring. I stopped cooking a lot. I stopped working out. I missed a few bible studies. I liked sitting here doing absolutely nothing.

My actions weren't fair to myself or my kid but it's just what was happening. I have no idea why it happened but I lost my motivation. I wouldn't say I was depressed but I was definitely happier doing nothing instead of going out and being around people which is my norm.

Today my husband tried to use reverse psychology on me and it backfired. Gibbie said "Weight Watchers" and The Hubs said "hey what happened to Weight Watchers?" My last weigh in was January 14th. Almost a month ago. Why did I stop caring? So The Hubs says, "if you not going should you just cancel it?" So I did. I texted him and he said, "Why did you do that?" UM...BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO? It turns out that he was hoping to give me motivation to keep going! HA! I don't work like that. You give me a reason to give up and I'm there! Luckily, I e-mailed them and they reinstated my membership, no questions asked.

I hate that I'm that way. The Hubs, however, seems to think I have the ability to do it all. It clicked with me that I stopped doing everything because I didn't think I had time for everything. Rather than just take something out of the equation or taking a few days off I just completely shut down. Do you do that? Am I the only one? So The Hubs sends me a text saying, "You need to do bible study, keep pampered chef, work out three times a week, weight watchers, some kinda class for Gibbie like dance, and cook. I'll help with the cleaning and learning time with Gibs." Well then, I guess I don't have an excuse anymore. How do you do it? Seriously, the multitasking/scheduling/organization is just not clicking with me. My husband things I can do it but I'm still working out the how.

Thankful Thursday

I've been MIA lately. I'm not in a happy place and when I'm not in a happy place I tend to journal but not blog because I don't want to spread the doom and gloom I'm feeling. Today I have things to be very thankful for so I'm going to spread the love.

*Gibbie's doctor's appointment being this morning. After what happened last thursday and not getting a confirmation call yesterday I was on high alert for something to go wrong today. I had The Hubs go in and make sure we had an appointment before I got out of the car because it was raining and he was afraid I'd hurt someone.

*Gibbie's health. The doc said she's doing great though she is small. She's in the middle of the chart with her height but she's in the bottom end of the chart with her weight. He's not concerned because she's obviously healthy. I have to remember that her maternal grandmother and great-grandmother as well as her paternal grandmother are short women so she's probably going to end up like them.

*Having a husband who takes time off to go with us to pediatrician visits. He's been to every well check up except for one and his sister went with us to that one. He never wants to miss anything important in his daughter's life.

*The roof over our head during this crazy rain. It only rains really hard and long here once every 6-7 years. The last time was a crazy flood that washed away parts of buildings and roads in 2006 and I honestly have no recollection of the time before that because I never paid attention to weather pre-adulthoood. I'm blessed to be warm and cozy and the roof isn't leaking anymore. I love the rain but I know that for some it is terrible. A few months ago when our roof was leaking I felt desperate and I know there are those who are going through the same now and I wish I could help them.

*Weight Watcher's candies. So good, especially frozen!

I hope you're all having a wonderful Thursday and I'll try to be back soon with no negativity in my life.

Dear Self

Dear New Hot Body I've Been Working On,

     I'm so sorry about what happened last week. I know I promised to always be true to you but I got weak. I've been true for so long and I hope you don't leave me over my infidelity. I swear to you that chocolate cake meant absolutely nothing to me. It was a cheap thrill and I won't let it come between us again. The extra sleep in the morning? It's all over, I'll be back up at 6:15 every weekday morning from here on out. The beer? Forgotten! I've stocked up on grapes to freeze just for you!

     I can feel you slowly slipping away and I really don't want to lose you. I promise I'll do better. The cake is out of the house now anyway and that last cupcake, I swear I'll save it for the kid. I'll work on us, I'll put in all of my heart again, just please don't leave me!

Love,

202.2 as of yesterday even though I was under 200 three weeks ago.

PS.

The Color Run is less than two weeks away and I'd love it if you were there for me.

Thankful Thursday

*The Hubs being an amazing father. I watch them play and see Gibbie's imagination grow with his help. He gets down on the floor and makes her toys come to life with her. He's not the "machismo" type that was disappointed with having a girl. He has embraced her with all her princess tea party girly tendencies.

*Understanding moms. I'm sure we've all had moments where we scream and yell and then feel absolutely terrible about it five minutes later. I have the most amazing circle of moms around me. Best friend M is the one I go to when I just need someone to listen. Best friend J is the one I go to when I just need someone to remind me that I'm not the only one who wants to pull their hair out. Best friend E needs to have a kid already so I can maybe be the one with the wisdom for once (please refer to this post).

*Pretzel sticks. I seriously count out 28 pretzel sticks and put them in a bowl in the kitchen. I take three at a time and leave the kitchen. That way I don't eat them all in one sitting. They are filling and satisfying when I want to stuff my face but don't have the points (Weight Watchers) to do so. I'm so incredibly thankful for pretzel sticks.

*Johnson and Johnson's No More Tangles Leave in Conditioner. Seriously, you might think this is silly, but seriously! I bought the stuff for Gibbie because her super fine hair tangles more than what's natural. I've used it twice on her and she looks like she just walked out of the kid's salon. So, this morning, after I got out of the shower, I though I'd give it a try. My hair has been amazing today. I let it dry naturally and the curls are soft, there's not much frizz, and it smells so good. I doubt I'll ever buy any other product for my hair again!

Thankful Thursday

*Audio Books - I was losing my motivation to go walking in the mornings. I would listen to Pandora but it annoyed me more than motivated me. Skipping every song and then running out of skips. Yeah, I could have paid for it, but I didn't see the point. I do, however, see the point in paying for Audible. For $14.95 a month you can get one free audio book a month and all of the other audio books are discounted. I love listening to books when I walk and when it's a really juicy one it makes me actually WANT to go walk. Now that I've started running I'm almost sad that I finish faster because I don't get to listen to the books as much! Also, there's an app called Overdrive that you can connect to your local library to download audio books from there. The selection of our library is decent but not fantastic so that's why I pay for Audible.

*Weight Watchers - I tried everything from Adkins, diet pills, Slim Fast, starving myself, just trying to eat well and exercise, and nothing worked for me. Weight Watchers has made it possible for me to lose weight at a healthy pace, figure out what portion sizes are good for me, and it lets me eat exactly what I want as long as I stay within my range of points. If I want to eat a Cinnabon I can, but I won't be able to eat anything else all day! I joined April 2 and since then I've lost 24 pounds and I've gone down two pant sizes. I absolutely love the program and I'm so thankful for it for making me feel so great and have so much energy!

*Running out of whiskey - I know, I'm silly. Last week I was saying that I was thankful for whiskey. This week I'm thankful I ran out of whiskey. I felt like I was getting dependent on it to relax and I even started drinking some while making dinner instead of waiting for Gibbie to go to bed. I did the same thing with wine several months ago. It's good to take a break from your vice every now and again.

*Best friend M - As I've mentioned I have four best friends and I keep them all separate (not really but they just don't really cross each others paths ever). Best friend M is who I see almost every Thursday night. We get together, watch Grey's Anatomy, chit chat, have some wine, and relax. I'm so thankful for this friendship. It's my two to three hour break in my 24/7 work schedule. We talk about absolutely everything. She's my place to vent, she's my comforter, she tells me when I'm in the wrong, and offers me time away.

Happy Thursday everyone!