Job Interviews

I don't know what made me think of this but I can't stop thinking about my very first and my very last job interviews lately. I'm definitely not looking to get back to working any time soon but these memories are stuck in my head.

My first job interview was at Hollywood Video when I was 16 or 17 years old. I didn't need a job but my best friend at the time did so I applied everywhere he did. I remember my best friend being mad because he didn't get called in for an interview even though we both had the exact same information on our resumes and applications. I completely botched that interview. I had no idea what to say and I blew it. The manager asked me what I would do if I was in the middle of a project and I noticed there was a huge line of people waiting to check out. I said it depended on how important the project was. Stupid really, but I didn't know any better. Oh yeah, I didn't get the job.

My last interview was at Dockers just five years ago. I thought I would just be temporary holiday, though I definitely wanted more. I got lucky and became a supervisor very quickly. I worked until about a month before I had Gibbie, not even a full year there, but it was a lot of fun. I had always wanted to tell someone, "Ma'am, I am the supervisor." It was everything I thought it would be and more when I finally got to say it! I considered for a while going back after maternity leave but in the end I chose the better position for me.

My current job didn't come with an interview and it still blows my mind that almost any woman can do it. I sometimes wonder if I would have gotten the job if someone was around to interview me. I can only imagine the questions I would have been asked. "How are you under pressure?" "Do you preform well on little to no sleep?" "Are you easily startled?" "Do you tend to get queasy easily?" I don't think I would have gotten the job. I still wonder if I should have the job!

I sometimes stop and think about when I will go back to work and what kind of job I'll have. I still dream about being the PTA parent, den mother, field trip chaperon, and then some. I do love selling Pampered Chef but I just don't know if it's a huge passion for me and something I'll do for years to come. For now, I will spend my time on my current job. Mama, nurse, coach, teacher, etc. I'll go on trying not to yell, doing my best to nurture, and wishing I had a maid. I'm so blessed to be in my current position!

Hello Neighbor

When I was growing up we lived in what some would consider a poor neighborhood in the lower valley. I'm obsessed with looking at homes for sale so I looked up the house we lived in and it last sold for $89,000. It was a small three bedroom, one and a half bath house with a garage we never used in the backyard. It was perfect for us and it was happy. I grew up with a friend two houses away, more across the street, and some down the street. We seemed to know everyone on the block and everyone on the block waved and said hello when they saw each other.

Fast forward to the house we moved into when we moved it on up to the east side. I became friends with a girl across the street the day we moved in. The other girls across the street became best friends shortly after. The boy and girl who lived behind me invited me to jump the fence and play a week later. Again, neighbors being neighborly was the way to go. If we drove or walked down the street everyone we passed stopped what they're doing and waved.

When we got married we lived in an apartment and didn't really talk to anyone regularly but everyone always said hello or waved. When we had Gibbie we moved to different apartments and there were a lot more families and more friendly conversations. We then started thinking about buying a house. We didn't keep in touch with anyone from the apartments when we moved.

We've lived in our current home for well over a year. I've seen the lady who lives to the left of us once, her kids a handful of times as they came and went. The Hubs says the lady is married but I've never seen her husband. The family to the right of us has a son a little older than Gibbie an another a little younger than Gibbie. I've seen the kids three times, the family a few more times. They've had birthday parties for their boys and we haven't been invited to any of them. I definitely should have invited them to Gibbie's last birthday but I never see them at home. (Next year I'm just going to tape the invitation to their door if they're not home.) There is one other lady two doors over who actually talks to us and knows our name. She even gave Gibbie a Christmas present! Other than that the only interactions I've had with my neighbors is when the girl down the street got her boyfriend to knock on my door because she thought I broke into her car (with my arms full of mail and toddler to boot). (Also, if you want to know about the paranoid girl down the street just go back to this post right here.)

Is it me or is the world getting less neighborly? Or maybe it's just the neighborhood I live in. I always wave and smile and say hello anytime I see someone outside. I get an occasional response but more often than not people pretend they don't see me. Does this happen in your neighborhood? I'm seriously considering baking a few pies and passing them out to see if maybe people are just too busy with their own lives or they genuinely don't want to be friends with their neighbors.

Sister, Soul Mate, or Twilight Zone

I have found the bizarro world version of Rue. I'm not sure if this woman is my sister, my soul mate, or maybe I've stepped into the twilight zone. Have you heard of A Slob Comes Clean? As much as I hate to admit it, this woman's blog speaks to me on levels you can't imagine.

Like "Nony," the author of the bog, I always assumed that I'd become a cleaning kind of person when I moved out, got married, had a kid, got used to sleepless nights, and on and on and on. It has never happened. I've tried the Fly Lady method which worked for about two weeks. I spent $13 on the Motivated Moms app last year (it's cheaper this year). I've tried just doing one room a day. Nothing worked for me. The truth is, I walk into a room and I want to cry because I don't know where to start. A few weeks ago I did wake up one day and realize that if I didn't clean the play room I was going to burn it and it has stayed pretty clean but it's only a matter of time before it explodes and I just can't handle it again.

Anyway, here's my confession of the day. I can't clean, I don't clean, I don't like it, I don't wanna, and I generally just won't do it. So, I'm giving Nony at A Slob Comes Clean a chance (and a promo). I got her book, 28 Days to Hope for Your Home, and I'm going to give it a try. I've been reading the last few blog posts and listening to all of her podcasts and I'm really hoping she's going to be the one to make me realize what I need to do.

Also, just marathon cleaned my kitchen because people are coming over today! Gulp!

Insecurities

The crushing feeling like waves in the sea
They come and go and don't let you be

You'll drown in the feelings before you know
They hold you down and rape you before they go

Insecurities! You can't seem to get away
They'll come and go and don't let you have a say

That woman who left and came and left
She refuses to see that she commits theft

As many times as I've gone through this pain
I can't seem to ever get past the pouring rain

The bitch ruined me but I learned to heal
The bitch comes back and I just heel

I will get passed it one more time
Then she'll come back in my prime

My Husband Keeps Me Going

The last few weeks I've given up. I lost 25 pounds on Weight Watchers then I stopped going. I was really excited with my Pampered Chef business then I stopped caring. I stopped cooking a lot. I stopped working out. I missed a few bible studies. I liked sitting here doing absolutely nothing.

My actions weren't fair to myself or my kid but it's just what was happening. I have no idea why it happened but I lost my motivation. I wouldn't say I was depressed but I was definitely happier doing nothing instead of going out and being around people which is my norm.

Today my husband tried to use reverse psychology on me and it backfired. Gibbie said "Weight Watchers" and The Hubs said "hey what happened to Weight Watchers?" My last weigh in was January 14th. Almost a month ago. Why did I stop caring? So The Hubs says, "if you not going should you just cancel it?" So I did. I texted him and he said, "Why did you do that?" UM...BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO? It turns out that he was hoping to give me motivation to keep going! HA! I don't work like that. You give me a reason to give up and I'm there! Luckily, I e-mailed them and they reinstated my membership, no questions asked.

I hate that I'm that way. The Hubs, however, seems to think I have the ability to do it all. It clicked with me that I stopped doing everything because I didn't think I had time for everything. Rather than just take something out of the equation or taking a few days off I just completely shut down. Do you do that? Am I the only one? So The Hubs sends me a text saying, "You need to do bible study, keep pampered chef, work out three times a week, weight watchers, some kinda class for Gibbie like dance, and cook. I'll help with the cleaning and learning time with Gibs." Well then, I guess I don't have an excuse anymore. How do you do it? Seriously, the multitasking/scheduling/organization is just not clicking with me. My husband things I can do it but I'm still working out the how.

Anxiety

Anxiety eats me alive on a regular basis and people don't seem to understand that I just can't calm down because most of the time it's not something I'm worrying about but a random act of terror that strikes me while I'm cooking dinner or washing dishes or slowly falling asleep when it awakes me with a bang and send me into a state of nonsensical panic making me take pills to calm me that take thirty minutes to kick in which is too long when every minute feels like an hour and every hour feels like a life time of mind numbing pain and when I actually am worrying about something it makes it come again and then I read something that says people who suffer from anxiety are at a higher risk of stroke which is just another thing to worry about when I already have to wonder sometimes if I'm having a heart attack or it's just an anxiety attack and by the time I realize it is just anxiety I would have probably died if it wasn't because heart disease runs in my family and I'm not the healthiest person so there's a chance that maybe it is a heart attack and since tingling in arms and legs are actually a sign on anxiety it makes me worry when my left arm tingles which happens almost every time I have an anxiety attack which is about once a month or sometimes more often if I am actually worrying.

And that "sentence" is what an anxiety attack is like.

Happy New Year

Today we celebrated Vietnamese New Year. It's also Chinese New Year so I don't feel bad that all day I told people we were celebrating Chinese New Year. It's also called Lunar New Year. You can just feel free to call it what you want.

Basically, the day consisted of chiropractor, Target, McDonald's, nap, Dollar General, decorating, and eating. My back's doing better, I always over spend when The Hubs isn't with me, why do I keep eating crap, why didn't I nap when she napped, why didn't I buy this stuff at Target, why didn't I think of buying this stuff at Target, decorating is fun, and eating is fun even when it's an hour late because the noodles you made to go with the stir fry were disgusting so The Hubs had to make rice instead.

And here's the results:

I found a this template online for some Chinese New Year envelopes and put them together.

I was looking for gold coin chocolates but found these dollar chocolates instead! In China they give kids money in the red envelopes for the new year.

I wrote all of our names on the envelope in Chinese. Gibbie's up top, then mama, the bottom says baba which would be the Chinese equivalent to papa.

The Hubs found these online and I printed them on red card stock. We all decorated them with the gold stars.

Gibbie watched a movie on my laptop through most of the envelope making. It must have been good because she wasn't attempting to help.

Here's my finished product on the mantle. (Side note: I need to find an awesome something to hang over the mantle because it's just so freaking bare!)

I got Gibbie a red balloon at Dollar General and wrote "Happy New Year" with a sharpie just so we could say it was a decoration and worth the dollar.

 She knew what was in the envelope but still acted surprised. Just like me when I know what I'm getting for Valentine's Day/Easter/birthday/Christmas.

So there you have it. When we opened the envelope The Hubs finally told me we were celebrating Vietnamese New Year, not Chinese. Well, the decorations are red and gold for both so I didn't mess it up too badly. The noodles I made for dinner were disgusting. We threw them out and made some really yummy sticky rice instead. Of course rice takes a while so dinner was very late. Now, I'm off to eat my chocolate dollar!