Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Tuesday Topics - When Ya Having Kids?

So, when are you going to have kids?
So, when are you going to have another kid?
So, when are you going to try for that girl since you have eight boys?
So, when are you going to stop having so many damn kids?

Seriously, why do people ask these questions? OK, OK, I know that it could be a conversation starter but might I suggest changing it up a little. DO YOU WANT to have kids? DO YOU WANT to have another? DO YOU WANT to try for a girl even though you already have eight boys? DO YOU WANT to rival Michelle Duggar?

Having an almost three year old daughter I hear the question of when I'm going to have another one very often. Of course most are family friends but it kinda gets to me that no one asks if I want another they just ask when I'm having another. Don't worry, I'm not mad at you, but I just want to put it in a way that maybe you'll understand why you maybe should consider rewording this question.

*NOTE: This is completely hypothetical (as far as I know).* What if I was suffering from infertility but didn't want the world to know. Every time you ask me about when I'm planning on having another child it's a reminder that I can't.

Seriously though, I don't think I'm infertile but I haven't tried getting pregnant in over three years.

When asking my Facebook and Tumblr friends I either got heated answers or indifference. A friend of my sister's says she only asks me because she loves us and wants us to have another beautiful baby. Flattery will get you everywhere unless the place you want to be is a delivery room watching me have a second child. I love you too but pregnancy sucks, yo. Another Facebook friend said exactly how I feel about it. She had a very long labor (like me) and issues with high blood pressure (like me) and was terrified to have another (like me). It took her five years to have her second and now she has four. She said she is still scared towards the end of each pregnancy though. If I do have another I will definitely be scheduling a c-section and having them tie (or burn or yank out) the tubes while they're in there.

I should mention that I am actually guilty of this too. Ask Best friend E, the only female best friend who doesn't have a kid (yet). She is like a sister to me and we've been friends for 19 years now. She's been married twice as long as I have and there are no plans for children in the immediate future. That does not stop me from reminding her constantly that Gibbie needs a "cousin" to play with. She doesn't even live here, she is in San Antonio, but she still needs to get on the baby making train. In all honesty, she's doing it "right." She does not want to go into debt just because people think she needs to have a kid just because she's married. And she is totally right. We are still paying off that hospital bill and Gibbie will be three in two weeks!

Some have commenting saying that it's a seriously personal question people should steer clear of. One person said that it's basically asking a person about there sex life, and, well, yeah, that's true. One person said it's just a way of getting to know someone. Why not ask a question that can link you with the person? I'm a mom! Do you want to be? Makes sense.

I do sometimes wonder if we're cheating Gibbie by not giving her a sibling now but I don't think it's a smart move. The Hubs and I both have siblings who are much older (mine are much much much older) so we didn't have anyone that wanted to play what we wanted to play. When I'm being emotional about it I want one now. Like, right this second, now. When I'm being level headed about it I want to go back to school and finish my nearly complete degree before considering another. When I'm being really selfish about it I can't help but think I've lost 25 pounds and I have 50 more to go and I'm not ruining that progress with a baby in the belly.

What do you think about the issue? Mind your business or start a conversation?

Here's some links to further your thoughts:
-If this doesn't make you want kids, nothing will.
-Secondary fertility is a thing.
-Too many kids?

Here's a picture that makes me want to have another:

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